Lunchbox Liberation League - Reprise
Greetings my fellow Pandemic Prisoners! The end of Corona-cation is nigh and with it, the cherubim are returning to school.
Can I get a GIANT HALLELUJAH?
Who among us is not more than ready to boot these forced co-workers to the bus stop and enjoy the 5-day vacation known as working full-time, working from home, or simply, BEING ALONE FOR SIX HOURS A DAY?
Okay, maybe three of you are feeling all sentimental for all the togetherness you were able to experience.
That’s nice.
All that baloney aside, trust me, once you sit with a cup of coffee without someone asking you about New Math, you’re going to join the rest of us over here running through the streets like William Wallace in Braveheart, screaming “FREEEDDOOOMMMM!!”
Especially when you get on board with The Greatest Parenting Secret of All Time.
Without further ado, I bring back, by popular demand: My Annual Rant To Make Your Kids Make Lunch.
As the self-appointed President of the Lunchbox Liberation League, I am here to tell you I am not just the President, I am also a member. I have not made a school lunch since my children were in preschool. Yes, it’s true! 14 years of no lunch-making!
Why do I insist on my kids making lunch, you ask? Because I decided a long time ago that I had enough to do keeping my household running like a well-oiled machine while having some semblance of a career, maintaining my girlish figure, and being the Human Google you all seem to need in your lives. I wasn’t adding “make lunch for a gluten-free vegetarian and her sister whose dietary preferences change like the wind” to my list of tasks.
Marie Antoinette may have said “Let them eat cake!” I say, “Let them make lunch!”
When I extol the virtues of Lunchbox Liberation, (top of the list: more time for wine yoga!) the first question is “How did you get your kids to do that?”
Well, since I couldn’t evict them, I decided the better option was to create a system, starting with a Rubbermaid three-drawer cart that had:
Sandwich fixings (bread and school-sanctioned peanut-butter alternatives) in the top drawer;
Fruit cups in the middle drawer; and
Pretzel sticks and savory snacks in the bottom drawer.
The girls could make a sandwich, and pick one item from each of the other two drawers, and lunch was basically done. Throw in a cheese stick or a Go-Gurt and they were good to go. Have a nice day! See you at pickup! I’m going to go live my life now.
I know some of you are thinking, “My kids don’t have time to make lunch.” Do they have time to go to baseball practice? Brush their teeth? Text on their phones?
Yes, yes, and yes? Then guess what? They have time to make their lunch.
In my house, lunch-making is usually done after dinner and once the girls outgrew the 3-drawer solution, lunch often consisted of leftovers. They were also crafty with take-out, typically saving a portion to enjoy again the next day.
The next objection I hear from people is: “What if they mess it up?” News flash! Kids mess stuff up! They are going to make sandwiches that look like a blind wombat crafted them. Or, they will go rogue, like my younger daughter, Zoe, who once packed a lunch made of nothing but chocolate: a chocolate soy nut butter sandwich, chocolate pudding, chocolate-covered pretzels, and chocolate milk. Nutritional nightmares aside, learn to embrace the insanity and consider it a lesson learned.
Life skills, people. Life skills.
And since I brought up nutrition, none of this “I want them to have a healthy lunch” nonsense as an objection to kids making lunch. Stock healthy items if you want a healthy lunch. Kids are more likely to eat a lunch they pack themselves. Furthermore, lunch should be healthy, but also, lunch is ONE meal out of the day. Do you eat a perfectly crafted lunch every single day? Then don’t mandate the same of your kid who has been on this earth a lot less time than you.
Listen, I know there are about four of you who claim to enjoy making your kids’ lunches. I begrudge you nothing. Just don’t complain to me that you are “sick of making lunch.” Because I will give you a copy of this post the size of your refrigerator door.
And while we’re at it, I would like to address the Pinterest crowd and their perfectly crafted lunches:
Bento Boxes are Bullshit.
Seriously, has anyone actually seen what a bento box lunch looks like by the time it’s opened at school? That Hello Kitty-shaped sandwich now looks like she’s doing the Walk of Shame following an 8-ball bender.
You’re better off with the original Bento Box: Lunchables.
Seriously, no matter how you slice it (see what I did there?), let your kids make lunch, for it is the gift you give yourself for the remainder of this school year. Think about it: No one complaining to you that lunches aren’t made, or that they don’t like what’s for lunch; they packed it, they eat it. They learn valuable skills: how to pull a meal together, what foods they like, what satisfies their hunger, the list goes on and on.
Reclaim your time. Make kids make lunch. You do enough.
The Lunchbox Liberation League was officially founded in 2017, following years of evangelism, much to the chagrin of children throughout Medford, MA, and beyond. I want to thank Natalie Leech Catlett for leading the charge in bringing this wisdom to the Interwebs once again. May the force be with you all.